Who REALLY Cares?
We spend too much time and energy worrying about what other people think of us. I didn’t really think about how much of a problem this could be until I started working with a client who is a professional organizer and closet designer.
Her complaint? Her friends say they don’t like to have her come over because they’re afraid she’s judging them for not having their house in perfect condition. As a result, the friendships began to falter until my friend gently confronted one of them and asked what the problem was.
That’s when I realized that we do that way to often. We perceive what others think of us and respond according to that perception, right or wrong. According to my friend, most of the perceptions are wrong.
“They think that I would never live like they do when I visit them and their house is a little messy. But the reality is, I really wish I could let go and be more relaxed about the way I live. As a professional organizer, I have to stay on top of my organization skills, so in a way, I’m always working. There are times when I actually envy the way my friend with three young kids can just leave the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the basket while she enjoys the best portion of the day with her children. The last thing she worries about is keeping her house neat. Her kids are her focus.”
After that conversation I began to notice language and the way people easily make decisions based only on opinion or gut feeling. How many times have you heard someone say, “John doesn’t like it when you say…” whatever it is you might say to John.
How did that person know what John likes or doesn’t like? Unless John actually spoke up about his dislike, the person is putting words in John’s mouth. And you are believing a fairy tale made up in someone else’s mind.
The next time someone speaks for another person, ask them to let John speak for himself. And then go and ask John what he thinks.
Do you worry when you go outside in your pajamas to pick up the paper at the end of your drive way what the neighbors think? Really, why do you care what they think? And are you even right? You may worry that they are judging you for going outside in your pajamas. They might be thinking, “Hey, I wish I had the courage to do that!”
If we want to live our lives independently and authentically, we have to stop living for others and focus on our own reasons as to why we do what we do.